Go away now!

I've been feeling really bad lately. So many memories that make me nostalgic and sad, so many thoughts that make me feel small and tiny, so many pressures that weaken and exhaust me, and I don't know what to do. I feel trapped in a heavy past, an uncertain future, and a boring and tedious present.

Every day I wake up to battle this war of emotions where there are no winners, only losers, and I can't take it anymore. It exhausts me, overwhelms me, and knocks me to the ground with nothing to do but regret the decisions I made to get here.

They tell me it's not my fault, but the guilt is raw and consumes me from the inside out. My soul hurts, my heart explodes, and my mind can't process any more thanks to the use of drugs.

I can barely stand up and face the day; I feel so stuck.

You, you hurt me. You remind me of how abusive you were and the control you had over me, and even today, you still have quite a bit of influence in my life for reasons unknown. I don't want you here anymore, not anymore, but I don't know how to ask you to leave, to leave me alone, to stop tormenting me. It's like a storm I can't escape.

Go away, go away now and leave me in my misery so I can heal and shine. I've already lost all my shine and I'm slowly fading, and I'm afraid I'll never come back.

I hate you so much. I went from loving you with all my being to hating you with all my soul. I thank you so much for showing me that love hurts and that it's not worth going through so much pain to have a few crumbs of affection and attention.

Go away now. I don't want you here. You only make me want to die and never wake up. Go away.